Usually, when a groom gets involved in wedding planning, it consists of him grunting in your general direction when you’re explaining the colour scheme, cake, flowers, attire and everything else that you and you alone have to organise. The only time you seem to get his full attention, which often results in eyebrows raised so high they fly off the top of his head, is when the subject of budget and costs come up.
Let’s face it, most guys suck at getting involved in the wedding planning and that’s completely fine if they’ve agreed from the beginning that you will run the show. However it can get frustrating when your groom has said he wants to be involved and then demands an explanation as to why the flowers cost so much, or why you’ve decided to order 55 extra candles when he’s only been half listening to the details. Ladies, we know how stressful planning a wedding can be so if you’re not getting the help he originally agreed to or if he’s dragging the chain and you’re starting to hate the sound of your own voice, you might need to sit him down and have a chat.
To be fair, there are a lot of guys that are interested in getting involved in the planning and do a great job, others just aren’t interested in it and let their bride know that all the decisions are hers – we don’t intend on painting everyone with the same brush. This is for those of you that feel like you need some kind of engagement from your partner (and not just in the form of a ring) when it comes to your wedding day and feel like you’re just not getting anywhere. We urge you to leave this page open and lying around for your groom to read… or you can just shove it in face and force him to read it… whatever floats your boat!
Listen up, Groomy!
If you don’t want to be involved in the wedding planning, that is completely fine; BUT you’re either in or you’re out, not in between. Don’t expect your bride to be a mind reader, if you tell her to choose everything and do whatever she wants, don’t then question every decision she makes or how much it costs. If you want to have more control or know more about what’s happening, get involved and get yourself across the details…. Don’t leave it to her to come to you, be proactive and discuss things beforehand.
You need to understand that whatever budget you are planning to is going to blow out by 10% to 20%… guaranteed. Most weddings go over budget, you know why? Because we’re usually all first timers and have no idea how much things are going to cost. Many brides might know exactly what they have always wanted for their wedding since the age of about 5 and ¾ but that doesn’t meant that they are an expert at knowing how much it’ll all cost. Work with your strengths, if you’re good at finding a good deal, help out by trying to find cheaper options or shopping around yourself; you could even re-adjust the budget to accommodate what you both really find important – amazing, YOU can re-adjust the budget… who would have thought?
At the end of the day, if you’ve said you’ll take on certain tasks, make sure you do them and avoid having her follow up over and over again or just end up doing it herself because she’s asked so many times it’s just easier. If you’d like to get involved but aren’t sure what to do, here are some areas that the groom traditionally takes care of. You are not limited to only these by the way….
- The suits – by your age, you should have an idea of what style suit you like or what you would like to wear. Sit down and talk to your fiancé about the colour scheme and style and do some research. It doesn’t require too much effort, just keep an eye out for sales or pop into a store if you’re passing by one. If you find a style you like but the price tag is out of budget, again, discuss this with your partner. By showing that you’re taking some interest in this, she’ll be more than happy to help out.
- The ride – Whether you’re a motor enthusiast or not, it makes sense for the groom to research and select the chariot. If you happen to be surfing the internet, do some research and find out what you like, what’s available and again, get an idea of the hourly fee. It’ll also help you in discussing with your bride how long you’ll need the car for and refer back to your budget. You’ll feel so much more on top of the money being spent if you get an understanding of how vendors charge. The more across the details you are, the more you’ll understand how it affects your bottom line.
- The happy snaps – This one should be pretty straight forward. We all know people who are married, start with asking your mates for referrals on their photographers and send some emails out to get an outline of packages.
See, that’s not that hard is it? Don’t forget, you want to make sure that you’re both getting the most amazing day possible without blowing the budget too much right? The best way you’ll make sure this doesn’t happen is to get yourself involved. No one is asking you attend every single shopping trip or choose which shade of cream best matches the serviettes (that’s what bridesmaids are for!!) but like we’ve said, if you’ve said you want to be involved, then do so…. Don’t do a half arsed job and then have a go at her for not “doing things properly”. She works too, she has a life too and she just wants everything to run smoothly so guys, be kind and lend a helping hand.
Good luck and happy planning
Purple Orchid Brides